Red Lines (part 4)

Presentation of the patient:

The patient was in cognitive-behavioral treatment when she came to the clinic. She complained about something holding her back. She was very shy and began to loosen up, when she joined a pentecostal church. The legalistic doctrine of her church kept her from reunions with her school colleges and family members, because she thought they were sinful. After one year of dating the church expected her to marry to prevent sin. Her sexuality transformed into a burden after a traumatic honeymoon. Her husband had not cut the umbilical bond with his mother, yet, causing nasty conflicts between the patient and her mother-in-law. When the patient started treatment with EMDR-J, an abuse memory with lasting consequences came up. The patient's treatment was very intense and complex. The author chose several sessions of different periods in order to give an insight in the patient's treatment.

Illustrative photograph by Jörg Garbers

Fourth session

In this session the patient addresses a family problem envolving a parking lot. She visualizes herself standing in the parking lot talking to her mother-in-law. It's dark. There are two people. The image is getting clearer seeming like a pencil drawing. Green and purple lines are minimizing the picture. A tree appears and leaves flying on the floor. There's a little blue something. She remembers the parking lot. Beneath the tree the wind takes her to the back of the parking lot. She goes to a shed where is light. There's an abyss in the little house. The floor of the house is cracking. The floor falls and reconstructs. Something dark green is getting away from the house. A shadow throws her to the darkest part of the parking lot. The scenery is very gloomy. In the middle of the parking lot a swirl is spinning. She can see the floor with little stones. She sees herself burying something in the middle of the now brighter swirl. The parking lot is much brighter and empty. There's a big palm tree and a coconut tree. She remembers the cranky man who rented the parking lot. The scenery turns dark. The patient remembers that his daughter invented lies about her. She feels the urge to bury what happened. She goes to the parking lot next by. There's a unused lot and another family making trouble. The trouble making neighbours form a triangle. It seems like an alliance. She makes an effort to diminish the triangle. She kicks the triangle and puts it in the dirt. She uses the dirt as fertilizer on the land of her father-in-law. A beautiful flower grows on the fertilizer. She thinks of giving the flower to the family. It's still early. The day is beautiful and the sky is blue. The patient visualizes herself in the house of the girl who spoke ill of her and wishes that the flower fills the whole house. A less beautiful green goes to the other neighbours. She visualizes the triangle. Some flowers open. Suddenly a skull appears. That's not good! She sees herself cutting the leaves growing on the house with a chainsaw.

Red Lines (part 3)

Presentation of the patient:

The patient was in cognitive-behavioral treatment when she came to the clinic. She complained about something holding her back. She was very shy and began to loosen up, when she joined a pentecostal church. The legalistic doctrine of her church kept her from reunions with her school colleges and family members, because she thought they were sinful. After one year of dating the church expected her to marry to prevent sin. Her sexuality transformed into a burden after a traumatic honeymoon. Her husband had not cut the umbilical bond with his mother, yet, causing nasty conflicts between the patient and her mother-in-law. When the patient started treatment with EMDR-J, an abuse memory with lasting consequences came up. The patient's treatment was very intense and complex. The author chose several sessions of different periods in order to give an insight in the patient's treatment.

Illustrative photograph by Jörg Garbers

Third session

The colors changed. The picture seems like a cartoon. There's a person kneeling down. The walls are yellow. There are several doors and a colorful wind. The patient visualizes herself entering the picture and gets to the place of the cartoon. There's a white door. Darkness pulls her. She wants to leave the kneeling position. Darkness calls her. The patient feels sad and her chest is heavy. There are things coming out of the dark door. Something is suffocating her. She wants to withdraw. The space is filling with pipes. The floor turned white. She is falling. Darkness pulls her in. She is swallowed. The hall is filling with white. She goes to the hall next to the door and enters. It's very dark, but there are little lights. She is walking. There's a floor and sometimes light behind her. It's not black anymore but grey. The place is getting smaller. There's light above and the floor is white. At her right something is going on. A little monster approaches. It's no monster, but a white cupboard. She stops in front of the cupboard. There's a little animal next to her foot. It's no animal, but an object. The hall is filled with people. Sometimes they are people, sometimes they are objects. The objects are walking in her direction wanting to talk, scaring her. Somebody goes down to the basement. She is downstairs without any fear. There's a party upstairs. She relaxes and goes upstairs. She is upstairs and wants to turn the lights on. All things are in place. A white double bed is illuminated. There are two bodies in the form of shapes. It's like messing with play dough.There's a blue butterfly, something brown moving and a baby. Something penetrated. The blue of the butterfly turns yellow, red and blue again. She is walking on green grass on a trail. A car passes. She sits on a bench. She is not alone.

Red Lines (part 2)

Presentation of the patient:

The patient was in cognitive-behavioral treatment when she came to the clinic. She complained about something holding her back. She was very shy and began to loosen up, when she joined a pentecostal church. The legalistic doctrine of her church kept her from reunions with her school colleges and family members, because she thought they were sinful. After one year of dating the church expected her to marry to prevent sin. Her sexuality transformed into a burden after a traumatic honeymoon. Her husband had not cut the umbilical bond with his mother, yet, causing nasty conflicts between the patient and her mother-in-law. When the patient started treatment with EMDR-J, an abuse memory with lasting consequences came up. The patient's treatment was very intense and complex. The author chose several sessions of different periods in order to give an insight in the patient's treatment.

Illustrative photograph by Jörg Garbers

Second session

In the second session, chosen by the author, the patient accesses her conflicts with her mother-in-law. She visualizes herself in the kitchen with her mother-in-law. There's a white spot. An empty space opens and she can't see the face. She visualizes a foto from the time her mother-in-law was sick. She feels the urge to enter the foto. There are white walls. She sees herself walking. It went dark at her left, a dark grey. A shadow appeared behind her. She went to the living room. Now there's thirty percent clarity. She feels without courage and stuck, sitting on the floor with her legs crossed. She wants to get up, but isn't able to. Somebody comes out of the dark and sits with her. Afterwards comes another person with less darkness. They're three, reading. A colorful wind coming from the foto passes by. The patient feels ready to get up and follow the colorful wind. She rises, but the person behind her who came from the darkness doesn't want to get up. She motivates the person. She visualizes three shadows of light heading towards the darkness, walking. One turns left into a hall of clarity, two carry on. They arrive at a hallway with a dark green abyss that looks like vegetation. They cling to the wall. There's no floor. The patient looks for the colorful wind. There's no way to go on. Let's go back! The floor reappears. The floor is very white. She feels insecure to step on it. She doesn't want to return. There's dark moss. The image disappears and turns grey. They are going back the way they came. When they get to the first hall, they sit again. The darkness returns. Another person appears giving a hand. They were to go back to that hallway, but it's different. The patient is not sure about the third person. There's a shadow behind her. The hallway is dark grey. She remembers what happened. She approaches a white place, but she is not getting there. There are two persons at the door to the white hall. There are two doors. One is dark and the other leads to a garden. The shadow wants to push and leaves through the garden door. There are two persons at the door, stopping with indecision, unable to take the next step. Doors open and close. The patient visualizes herself between the doors with her legs crossed.

Red Lines (part 1)

Presentation of the patient:

The patient was in cognitive-behavioral treatment when she came to the clinic. She complained about something holding her back. She was very shy and began to loosen up, when she joined a pentecostal church. The legalistic doctrine of her church kept her from reunions with her school colleges and family members, because she thought they were sinful. After one year of dating the church expected her to marry to prevent sin. Her sexuality transformed into a burden after a traumatic honeymoon. Her husband had not cut the umbilical bond with his mother, yet, causing nasty conflicts between the patient and her mother-in-law. When the patient started treatment with EMDR-J, an abuse memory with lasting consequences came up. The patient's treatment was very intense and complex. The author chose several sessions of different periods in order to give an insight in the patient's treatment.

Illustrative photograph by Jörg Garbers

Transcripts of seven sessions:

First session

When the patient starts to process her memories with EMDR-J, she visualizes the door of the living room. There's a bed. The day is pretty and the sky is blue. The walls are white. She is happy heading towards the bedrooms. The bathroom has a different floor. She went to the garage with a dirt floor. There's a shadow and vegetation behind the house. There's a flourishing tree. They ruined the pool and entered the house for dinner. Her dad seems ill. It seems like he is leaving. He isn't at home. Her parents wanted to split up. Her dad was mad and had outbursts. When the patient was fifteen, her dad asked her help to separate from her mother putting a load on her shoulders. The patient went to church, crying and praying. She knew about her mother's suffering, but she couldn't do anything about it. A miracle happened and today her parents are still together. Her therapist asked her to go back to the time when her father seemed to vanish. The patient visualizes her father's genitals and blocks. She thinks about sucking it and feels nauseous. She visualizes her dad fat and naked. Suddenly the scenery changes. She finds herself in her grandmother's house in her grandmother's bedroom. Something happened there with her uncle. She remembers the hallway and the sink where she spit. In her grandmother's bedroom are more beds, a wardrobe and her grandmother's stuff. "In the end nobody helped me!" She has a bad feeling. Her uncle told her what to do and she did it. She isn't sure, if she wanted to. She didn't want to do it. Afterwards her uncle went away as if nothing had happened. The others didn't mind. She felt guilty for doing it. "I took part. I don't deserve help!" She feels the urge to hit him, feeling her blood running in her hands, and to talk to him, making him understand the destruction he caused. She feels the urge to strangle him, to destroy his things, making sure that he loses everything. She wants to tell her dad what happened, making sure that her dad doesn't help her uncle anymore. She visualizes people defending her. She could have said "no". She edited the scene saying "no". She wanted her dad to know and to defend her. Because of the abuse she felt isolated, sad and had problems at school.

Crianças precisam de rituais

Introdução:

No nosso mundo que favorece a novidade, rituais podem parecer coisas do passado. O que são rituais e para que servem? Rituais acontecem em acordo com certas regras e ficam para muito tempo as mesmas. Tem rituais diários e anuais. Eles servem para transmitir segurança e aconchego auxiliando na orientação no tempo. Uma casa sem rotina deixa a criança confusa, insegura e agressiva.

Rituais diários e anuais:

1. Refeições 

É muito benéfico para a criança e toda família se a família se reúne pelo menos uma vez por dia nã mesa para uma refeição e para conversar com calma. Organize essa refeição de forma mais ritual: arrumar a mesa com carinho, começar juntos, orar ou cantar antes da refeição como forma de agradecimento. 

2. Antes de dormir 

Crianças dormem melhor quando eles praticam um ritual antes de dormir que alivia as tensões do dia e traz aconchego e segurança, por exemplo desenhar, ler uma história, orar juntos, conversar sobre o dia. Esse ritual deve ser intocável e não deve ser tirado da criança como forma de castigo.

3. Aniversário 

Especialmente quando os filhos são pequenos eles curtem um ritual de aniversário que todo ano se repete: mesa de café da manhã enfeitada, bolo com velas, o aniversariante decide o almoço. São essas pequenas coisas e não os grandes presentes que marcam esse dia.

4. Páscoa

Sem deixar de lado o verdadeiro sentido de páscoa, para cada criança, especialmente na idade mágica de quatro a sete anos, é gostoso desenvolver um ritual sobre o coelho de páscoa: preparar o ninho do coelho, preparar as casquinhas, pintar e enfeita-los, procurar os ovos, pegada de coelho etc. Com o tempo o seu filho vai deixar de acreditar no coelho de páscoa de forma natural. 

5. Natal

Além do Papai Noel tem outros rituais para se preparar e valorizar esse tempo precioso em família. Enfeitar a casa, o pinheirinho, ir no culto, comer juntos, ler a história de Natal e músicas natalinas tornam Natal uma data bem especial e não fica só no "vamos para praia".

Conclusão:

Rituais promovem segurança no dia-a-dia e um toque especial para os momentos especiais da vida. O seu filho vai aprender os rituais na sua casa e provavelmente transmitir para a próxima geração sempre revivendo o aconchego que fica associado a esses rituais.

O coração ferido

Introdução:

A paciente desse relato autorizou a transcrição das suas sessões metafóricas. Nessa sessão ela processou a ferida que o seu primeiro namorado causou para o seu coração. Ela sentiu que ela entregou o seu coração e ele avacalhou com ele. Em função disso ela não conseguiu mais confiar esperando que alguém se aproveitasse dela e a decepcionasse.

Transcrição da sessão:

A paciente visualiza a figura do seu primeiro namorado perto dela. Ele está perto dela, mas não se relaciona. Ela se vê ajoelhada. Em seguida ela levanta e aponta para o seu coração que está sangrando. Ele falou que a amava. A paciente fala para ele que ele não a respeitava e não a valorizava. Ela se vê indo embora chorando. Ela gostava muito dele. Ele pede para ela voltar, mas ela diz que não adianta mais. Ela queria embora, mas não queria. O seu coração está pesada e dolorida. Ele fala: "Desculpa então, eu também fui imaturo!" Ela vai para um rio, tira o seu coração e lava o coração. Ela solta o coração no rio e o coração vai descendo uma cachoeira. Ela vai atrás, olhando atrás de uma moita, com um buraco no peito. O coração está brilhando. Ela está ansiosa querendo saber para onde ele vai. O coração para e ela quer pegá-lo. Tem sangue no buraco do peito. Água está lavando o buraco. Ela pensa em pôr o coração de volta, beijando e abraçando o coração. Ela o coloca de volta no peito. O coração está brilhando. O seu primeiro namorado reaparece e quer conversar. A paciente se sente livre e muito bem. Ela diz que ela não tem tempo para conversar e precisa ir embora. A paciente pede para o coração guia-lá. Ela pensa demais e não deixa o coração ir. O coração afirma que existe, mas está escondido. A paciente precisa sentir o seu coração. Ela coloca o coração como rei, pede perdão e afirma que vai segui-ló. O coração responde que não é rei, mas é humilde. Ela e a sua mente assinam um contrato se comprometendo de segui-lo. O coração rasga o papel. "Vocês tem que entrar dentro de mim!" Eles são grandes demais para entrar e diminuem de tamanho. O coração reflete e deixa eles entrar por uma porta. Ela está segurando a mente numa coleirinha. É muito acolhedor dentro do coração. Se soubesse isso, já teria entrado antes. A mente fica quieta. Além do espírito divino não tem nada no coração, somente ela e o cérebro. A mente fica na dela como um cachorrinho. Tem tudo lá dentro. Existe um contato íntimo. A paciente se ajoelha diante de Deus e pede perdão. Ela agradece na certeza que ela vai ter tudo. Ela quer segui-lo. Deus diz: "Vai, filha!" Quando ela sai pela porta do coração, tudo é grande. Ela clama: "Não quero!" Deus responde: "Estou dentro de você, sua boba!" Ela sente medo de enfrentar as coisas lá fora. Tudo é tão grande! O cérebro entra nela. "Me sinta e escuta sempre!" Ela está cheio de amor pelo coração. "Fique atenta fora, mantendo o foco em mim!" A paciente se vê indo. A sua alma gêmea a vê. Eles estão se reconhecendo e se beijando.

Conclusão:
Nessa sessão a paciente trabalhou a mágoa do seu primeiro namorado. A ferida é limpada de forma metafórica. Ela aprende confiar em Deus e no seu coração. Mente e coração entram em sintonia. Ela acha a coragem e a esperança de encontrar um novo amor.

A hora de dormir

Introdução:

Cada pessoa, cada criança precisa de sono suficiente. Se faltar sono, a criança fica chata, não consegue prestar atenção, facilmente se irrita e dificilmente brinca sossegada. Mas se o sono faz tão bem, por que os nossos filhos fazem tanta guerra para ir para cama? Ir dormir significa separação dos pais. A maioria das crianças tem dificuldade com isso, especialmente os pequenininhos.

Dicas para ajudar o seu filho dormir:

1. Tire um tempo especial para o seu filho antes de dormir!

Quando chega a hora de dormir, a cabeça da criança está cheia de impressões do dia. Faz muito bem quando os pais tiram um tempo para conversar, falar sobre as preocupações da criança, fazer um joguinho ou ler uma história. Assistir TV juntos não substituí esse tempo especial porque não existe interação. É bom combinar antes quanto tempo vai levar esse tempo especial e ser fiel a esse compromisso. Se o seu filho sabe que você vai cumprir o combinado e não vai negociar, ele vai se acostumar com esse ritual sem sempre pedir mais atenção. Assim a hora de dormir fica gostosa e a criança vai curtir esse momento sem gerar brigas.

2. Mantenha cada noite a mesma rotina!

É uma ajuda quando a criança tem cada noite a mesma rotina: tomar banho, colocar pijama, escovar os dentes, ir para cama. A hora de dormir deveria ser mais ou menos a mesma. Assim o filho se acostuma com um ritual saudável e você evita brigas.

3. Tenha paciência e clareza na ordem!

Com crianças que sempre saem de novo da cama e começam berrar, os pais precisam de muita paciência e clareza na ordem. Não adianta brigar. É mais fácil explicar com clareza que a porta do quarto vai ficar aberta enquanto elas ficam deitadas mas fechada se levantar.

Conclusão:

Todas as crianças podem aprender dormir sozinhos. O ritual antes de dormir e uma rotina de casa saudável dá segurança para a criança. Brigas e sustos noturnos perturbam, estabilidade e paz promovem segurança e um bom sono.